When you’ve been through a break-up, it’s normal to start reminiscing about the love you once had. Sure, there were problems with the relationship — after all, you did break up — but there really were more good times than bad. Wouldn’t it be great if you could get back together and just pretend that this who break-up thing never happened?
Couples do get back together all the time, but this doesn’t mean that it’s the right time for you to get back together with your ex. After all, I’m sure you know at least one couple who constantly goes through the break-up-make-up routine — and you sure don’t want that type of relationship!
If you’re going to try to get back with your ex, you need to do a bit of work first. Make sure that you’re really ready to get back together before you even try to contact him or her.
Your Mental State
Take a good hard look at your personal mental state. Are you still depressed, moping around the house eating junk food and watching TV? Or are you in good spirits, having fun with your friends, but missing the love of your life?
It’s never a good idea to try to get back in a relationship when you’re down in the dumps. For one thing, you could be doing it for all the wrong reasons. You may think that being in a relationship with your ex will solve all of your problems, but they won’t. Your real problems are coming from inside you and you need to address these problems before you enter the relationship again.
Would you want to date yourself? That’s usually a good way to tell whether or not you’ll still be attractive to your ex. If you take a look at your stained sweatpants and recent attitude and can clearly answer, “No,” then that’s probably what your ex is going to say as well.
On the other hand, if some time has passed since the break-up and you’re starting to feel pretty good about yourself again, then it might be time to try to initiate contact and see where your ex lies. You may find that he or she is just as ready to get back together with you.
Your Relationship Problems
Every relationship has problems — some bigger than others — and it’s important for you to understand where you went wrong in the relationship. It’s too easy to place blame on the other person. No matter what happened, you played a role as well.
Even in a case where it seems easy to point the finger, there’s usually two sides to the story. For example, if your ex cheated on you and this was the reason you broke up, you might assume that “her cheating ways” were the reason for the break-up. But in some way, you played a role as well. Maybe you were constantly checking out other girls, making her feel unattractive. Maybe you were working late hours, coming home too tired to make her feel special. Maybe you wanted to get married and she wasn’t ready. There was some problem in your relationship that drove her to cheating.
Are you ready to own up to the part that you played and make steps to fixing it? If you’re still pointing the finger of blame, acting the martyr, then you’re not really ready to get back together. However, if you’re ready to face the truth and work on making things better, then getting back together may work.
Growing Up
Strong relationships are all about the give and take, compromising and working to build a life together rather than building separate lives that happen to coincide with each other. This takes a certain level of maturity.
When you’ve been through at least one break-up, there can be a lot of hurt feelings. You have to work hard to break through this and rebuild trust. Don’t expect for things to instantly be the same as they once were. It’s going to take work — on both of your parts.
Though you may not know whether your ex is really ready to work on your relationship or not, you have to think about whether you’re ready to grow up and put the needs of you as a couple over your needs as an individual. If you’re ready to do this, then you may be ready to get back with your ex.
Doing It Right
Look, a lot of people are going to give you advice about playing games with your ex — ignoring him to make the heart grow fonder or waiting a few days to return a phone call so that you don’t look desperate. Think about it. Is this the way that you want to be? Resorting to cheap games? Trying to trick your ex into getting back together?
I didn’t think so.
T.W. Jackson — T Dubb — has an excellent guide to getting your ex back called the Magic of Making Up. I’ve read it and it’s not about playing games. It’s straightforward, practical information about how to improve yourself and how to improve your relationship. If you’re serious about getting back together with your ex, it’s a must-read.